How to Help Your Sore Loser Enjoy the Game
It’s happening again. Your child wanted to jump into a game with the family that’s more difficult, sure they could handle it.
Except they lost. Now they’re crying, angry, maybe even throwing things.
Instead of the chance to clean up the game together, talking over the best moments or potential strategies for next time, someone’s managing the fallout while others clean up quietly, trying not to make the situation worse.
Your child can’t see that they played well. They’ve already forgotten all the fun they had. Everyone else’s fun gets dampened by the reaction, making it a little harder to want to try again.
So how do you flip the narrative so the enjoyment of playing carries through losses in your child who just wants a win?
6 Simple Long-Term Solutions for Sore Losers
1. Teach them alternative reasons for playing.
If the point of the game is to win, anyone who loses might struggle with that. By setting a different goal, players can succeed, even when they lose. Play to spend time with those you love, play to practice skills, play to do better than you did last time. Then, when a loss occurs, you can remind them they had a goal and met it.
2. Focus on a growth mindset.
Winning doesn’t always measure how well a player played the game. Instead of focusing on winning, set a goal to practice a specific skill or to earn more points than your own last game. Better playing experiences and improvement in games (whether they result in a win or not) are their own reward. Over time, this shift in thinking will result in a much stronger player.
3. Highlight parts of the game where they enjoyed themself.
This is a good strategy for those tough post-game moments, as well as having good long-term effects. Ask your struggling player about a moment during the game that they were proud of. Ask which moment was the most fun. What was their favorite part? Highlighting the enjoyable parts of the game, especially over time, takes some of the emphasis off winning.
4. Brainstorm coping techniques together.
Spend a little time together thinking of behaviors that might help your sore loser stay grounded in the toughest moments. Do they need to talk it out? Do they need to not say anything? The bonus for this one is how repeatable it is. You can try as many techniques as you can think of until one sticks.
5. Model sportsmanship.
People imitate those around them, so your sore loser is likely to improve as they see you practice good sportsmanship. From your actions, they can learn strategies, different mentalities, and how to better enjoy themselves when the game ends in a loss. And if you make a mistake, make sure to own it and talk about how you’ll do better next time.
6. Try cooperative games.
Along with the rest of the tips, try playing cooperative games so that the group wins or loses together. Uniting the group can help remove extra difficulties (like sore winners!) and offer opportunities to put the previous tips into practice together. Instead of isolating your sore loser, everyone can practice the skill as a group, offering extra support and a feeling of belonging.
Helpful Resources
- Check out Castle Panic for a cooperative game to help ease your sore loser into a different mindset. It’ll get plenty of play over years and it has competitive variants when it comes time to practice how much they’ve grown.